IEP Strategies

Reducing IEP Conflict – Must-Know Phrases

special education inner circle podcast with master IEP coach founder Catherine Kahl
I'm Catherine!

If you sit at an IEP table, you belong here! I built all things Master IEP Coach® for you to become the idea bringer, solution finder, and team builder at the IEP table.

hey there

Get 12 IEP Questions 

Gimme that

Get the scoop on getting paid as a Master IEP Coach®

TOp categories

Check out the Special Education Inner Circle Podcast

Learn to become a Master IEP Coach®

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted a Special Education Inner Circle podcast episode—four months, to be exact. After four years of consistently posting every week, I realized it was time for a short break. But now I’m back, and I’m ready to get right back sharing Special Education strategies and insider conversations from the Master IEP Coach® community.

If you’re new here, let me quickly introduce what I do. Since 2017, I’ve been helping parents, teachers, therapists, and administrators turn their IEP experience into income. If you’ve ever thought about using your IEP expertise to help others navigate the IEP world, check out the free on-demand Master IEP Coach® workshop where I show you three ways to make that happen.

Now, let’s talk about two phrases that create unnecessary conflict at the IEP table—and what you should say instead to keep things productive and solution-focused.

Phrase #1: “That’s Just Not Necessary”

This phrase often comes up when a parent (or even a teacher) requests additional support, such as a one-on-one aide. The response? A flat-out dismissal: “That’s just not necessary.”

That phrase is frustrating. It can feel like a complete shutdown of concerns without any real discussion. Instead of dismissing the request outright, here’s what could be said:

“Let’s look at the data and see where additional support might be needed.”

This approach acknowledges the concern while keeping the conversation neutral and focused on facts. Instead of engaging in a back-and-forth about opinions, this shifts the discussion to data and evidence.

Often, requests for additional support don’t mean that full-day, one-on-one assistance is the only solution. Maybe support is needed during transitions, structured activities, or specific academic times. By looking at the data, we can craft a plan that meets the child’s needs without immediately saying no.

Phrase #2: “That’s Not the School’s Job”

This is one of the most frustrating phrases that can come up at an IEP meeting. Parents, teachers, and therapists all hear it at some point when requesting services or supports that may extend beyond the typical scope of what’s been provided before.

Instead of shutting down the conversation, try reframing it:

“What is the desired outcome, and how can we work together to achieve it?”

Many times, requests for additional therapy services or accommodations are dismissed with “That’s not the school’s job.” But the reality is that what’s needed isn’t always about more therapy hours or specific services—it’s about achieving a particular outcome. If the team can agree on the end goal, then the discussion can focus on how to get there, even if it looks different from what was originally requested.

For example, if a parent asks for additional speech therapy, instead of immediately responding with, “That’s not the school’s job,” the team should ask: What are we trying to achieve with additional speech therapy? Maybe the goal can be met with in-class support, modified instruction, or increased collaboration between the teachers and therapists.

When the conversation is focused on solutions rather than rigid answers, it opens the door for creative problem-solving that benefits the student.

Shifting from IEP Conflict to Collaboration

Remember, the goal of an IEP meeting is never to win an argument — it’s to make sure a child has the support they need to succeed. Conflict is bound to happen, but it doesn’t have to derail the conversation. Instead of shutting down discussions, shift the focus toward finding solutions together.

Next time you hear one of these common phrases at an IEP table, remember:

  • Replace “That’s just not necessary” with “Let’s look at the data and see where additional support might be needed.”
  • Replace “That’s not the school’s job” with “What is the desired outcome, and how can we work together to achieve it?”

These small shifts can lead to big changes in the way we communicate and collaborate in special education.

If you’re ready to use your IEP experience to help others, don’t forget to check out this free on-demand workshop.

Let’s work together to build better IEP teams and create meaningful change in special education.

See you next time on the Special Education Inner Circle podcast!

+ show Comments

- Hide Comments

add a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Special needs sibling, masters in special education, certified high performance coach.

Hi, I'm Catherine.
Fixing IEPs is my thing.

It's been almost 30 years since I sat at my first IEP meeting as a new teacher (spoiler alert, I didn't stay a classroom teacher for long). But, my first taste of the IEP rollercoaster was in the front row, at my brother's IEP meeting. I knew right then, the IEP process needed help, and I was all in.

Learn more

I'll bring my trademarked IEP Development Wheel™, you bring your stacks of IEP papers. LEARN MORE

IEP WORKSHOPS

VIRTUAL OR IN PERSON

How to Turn Your IEP Experience into Income

Free on-demand workshop

 3 Ways to Turn Your IEP Experience into Income

Discover how current Master IEP Coaches® are working from home helping families through the IEP process without fighting at the IEP table.

 ©Catherine Whitcher, LLC and Master IEP Coach® 1996-2025. All rights reserved. | Legal | 

Email  • Services Available Nationwide • 815.302.1273

@masteriepcoach

Become the Special Education Idea Bringer, Solution Finder, and Team Builder at the IEP table.

Master IEP Coach®